I've been feeling kind of bad for my three-year-old lately. This year, my older kiddo picked up a lot of new activities, most of which toddlers are not invited to participate in. She started preschool, began a dance class, and this spring, started playing soccer. On Saturdays, my three-year-old whines, "I don't like soccer games." She's tired of being a tag-a-long.But while I'm feeling sorry for my baby, Newsweek tells me that it's my firstborn that gets the short end of the stick. It's a commonly held tradition that firstborn kids have to "break in" their parents, and therefore have to live with stricter rules and harsher discipline than their younger siblings. Recent research backs up this folklore; older siblings are less likely to make mistakes because they are used to being held up to higher standards, while younger siblings are more likely to be risk takers.
Trying to apply these findings to the people I know, I can't really find a pattern. I know a lot of firstborns who are risk takers (and mistake-makers), and plenty of family "babies" who live comfortably inside their comfort zones. Yet, among my own children, I can see a hint of it. And looking at my parenting techniques, I just might recognize a little of this in myself.
What about you? Do you think you were treated differently by your parents because of your birth order? Do you see that in your own parenting?
1. My parents were much stricter with me than they were with my younger siblings. Even though I never gave my parents a reason to distrust me when I was living at home, I was always the one who had to prove I was responsible and trustworthy. My siblings got to piggyback off that and when they broke the rules, my parents would shrug it off and give them a slap on the wrist if they did anything at all.
As frustrating as it was as a child to never gain my parents' trust, I wouldn't change it much. I think that's a large part of the reason why I'm the only one who is self supporting and my siblings (mid 20s) are still living at home, doing min wage jobs, while my parents pay for everything. I think a certain level of strictness and high expectations can benefit children. As for being stricter with my son... well, he's an only, so if I err on the side of too strict, I won't have to listen to "Why did you let [imaginary sibling] do that when you said I couldn't do that until I turned [X] years old?" :)
Posted at 11:52AM on May 16th 2008 by caitlin