1. This is by far the funniest thing I have read in awhile... OMG I had tears rolling down my cheeks and my hand hurts from jamming it into my mouth so I would not laugh out loud in my cubicle so that rest of my coworkers would ask What are you laughing at and could you imagine me telling them this story!?!?!? AH. Okay first all... a Q-TIP with vaseline? We just gave the little guy some Gas X and called it a day. But seriously (oh that pun was SO intended) it worked, huh???

And the $400 fart from the other person. Holy crap. I cannot even think of anything that would compare because those two are just so funny and would make any of mine seem tame in comparison!

Posted at 12:28PM on May 23rd 2008 by Christina

2. It's okay to laugh at me! It was a real rookie move on our part to take him to the ER. We do laugh about it now. As for the poop issue... we always just "took their temperature" with the rectal thermometer which seemed to have the same effect. It's amazing how we can become obsessed with someone else's body functions.

Posted at 1:04PM on May 23rd 2008 by sharon

3. We had to do the Q-tip thing for my son, too. But we waited until it had been about 5 days between stinky diapers. My husband always made me do it. He said he was scared to hurt the baby, like I wasn't. It's nice to know I'm not the only one to have done this (had to do it) to their child. :)

Posted at 1:12PM on May 23rd 2008 by SAM

4. We used to joke (to keep from crying!) that our oldest could have gone into the construction business because she pooped brick bats. That was the most constipated child I've ever seen! Nothing seemed to help, the pediatrician (dumb head that he seems to be at times) didn't have a clue and offered little advice other than to change formulas and avoid rice. There were times that we had to use the vaseline trick, but didn't insert it with a Q-tip. We just dabbed a little onto her behind and within a short amount of time, the job was done. The bowel movement was still hard as a rock, but it beat nothing!

Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/

Posted at 2:04PM on May 23rd 2008 by Jan Bay

5. Our one year old daughter had a diaper full of blue poo. I've had a hard time changing the really stinky diapers since she was born so my wife gracious does the duty. The unnatural bright blue and smell made my wife gag so hard she nearly throw up, which is something she's not known for. She realized pretty quickly that our daughter must have eaten a piece of our four year old's blue chalk. Thank heavens the box said non-toxic.

Posted at 2:24PM on May 23rd 2008 by jason

6. I had to do the same thing to my son a few weeks after he was born. I called the nurse advice line in his doctors office and told them that he hadn't pooped in over 24 hours. She stayed on the phone with me while I did it, I think because I told her she was insane. About a minute after I did it, he began to poop A LOT. He probably lost a couple of pounds, and although it was an uncomfortable experience for the both of us, we both slept better that night.

Posted at 2:25PM on May 23rd 2008 by Alisha

7. I've done the q-tip with vaseline too, but not to a baby - to a two-year old. So don't feel bad. I also agree, the $400 fart had me cracking up.

Ah, poo and poo-related functions. Stories to be cherished and then related to future spouses and friends. : ) Good times.

Posted at 2:49PM on May 23rd 2008 by the goddess anna

8. I have, in the past, inserted the thermometer for this exact reason.
My daughter was ALWAYS constipated, so we have used many tricks, like prune juice and water, prunes, and even once an enema. Now that was fun.

As far as parental trauma....I once called 911, who subsequently took us to the hospital, where my son had a full work up only to find out he was having a tantrum....that I had mistaken for a seizure!

Posted at 3:38PM on May 23rd 2008 by Val

9. The "taking your temperature" trick works equally well with gassy newborns that just can't fart. It is like some sort of release valve.

I remember calling the nurse after my son ate my dogs poop. We were outside and had a small dog. He found a tiny turd and popped it in his mouth and I SCREAMED, he LAUGHED, and as I fished it out of his mouth GAGGED. I called the nurse after I had wiped him up and given him something to drink and she said, "excuse me?" "I said my kid ate dog poo, he's 10 months old, should I bring him in?" She paused and said "No. Just watch him and give him some bread and juice to pass it along faster". Sadly, it didn't seem like the first time she gave out this advice.

Posted at 5:45PM on May 23rd 2008 by Jen

10. As for "taking their temperature", I know a woman who once really did have to take her son's temperature rectally. Buuuuut - she didn't want to just shove it in there. So, on the advice of the doctor, she used some personal lubricant.

And the temperature came in at something like 104 F! She was freaking out! He wasn't acting that sick, and he didn't feel that warm, but - the thermometer! Just before she runs to the doctor she glances at the lube....

Guess warming lubricant really does what it's supposed to do, huh.

Posted at 7:37PM on May 23rd 2008 by Uly

11. I was going to tell the story of my husband calling 911 after he accidentally knocked the umbilical cord off and the baby had two teeny drops of blood come from her raw belly button, but your poop stories are much funnier.

Posted at 9:39PM on May 23rd 2008 by Cathy

12. Oh, god. My story is a horrific version of yours, Linda. I had the same problem with my first daughter, tried the same thing... on a towel. On my white couch.

Apparently q-tips can induce a phenomenon I've dubbed "projectile pooping."

'Nuff said.

Posted at 12:02PM on May 24th 2008 by Lisa

13. I actually called my nurse when this happened to my son. Her suggestion was just to use the thermometer with some Vaseline. I did, and...very similar toothpaste effect!

How about the time my son had some really bad breath. So I called the nurse and she said he probably had something up his nose. Her advice was to plug one side of the nose, and blow in his mouth then repeat plugging the other side. NIIIICE. It worked though. I told Amalah about that a long time ago and she actually had to do that once when Noah had something up his nose.

Posted at 1:22PM on May 24th 2008 by misguided mommy

14. I think it's funny that you said "hindsight" near your story about the qtip and the butt!

I never really had a freakout with my son, my first, but he was like the healthiest person ever so that's why. But I will never forget my husband holding our newborn baby and looking in the mirror at himself. He kept checking himself out in the mirror and I finally said 'what are you doing?' He said, sheepishly, "I keep thinking I'm holding him too tight and I'm checking to see if his leg is turning blue". Ha! As if that would be the only sign! It was so super cute and I think about it to this day when I am mad at him, because it makes me like him again.

Posted at 7:10PM on May 24th 2008 by Joanne

15. Yeah, my horror has to do with pooping too. My son had gone about 5 days and I put a dab of Kayro (sp) syrup in his bottle. It did the trick in about 2 hours. He was in my father in law's lap at the time at a 4th of July picnic. Needless to say my father in law needed new pants and a shirt and a shower. The baby was smiling. We were laughing. Good times!

Posted at 9:49AM on May 26th 2008 by Niki P.

16. I had a similar situation, only I didn't use a q-tip, a q-tip probably would have been a GOOD IDEA! Upon the suggestion from my sister-in-law, a pediatric nurse, I used my finger. Did the trick, but using a q-tip would have been a lot more pleasant, at least for me!

Posted at 2:28PM on May 27th 2008 by Allison