1. Well, we have my mom and then we have my husband's mom. My mom breastfed my brother and I, so she is the one who originally encouraged me 13 yrs ago to give BFing a try when my oldest was born. She was and has always been very supportive, even when I decided that extended BFing/self-weaning was in our family's best interest.

Mother-in-law, on the other hand, is about as ignorant as you can get on the subject. She said she refused to even try breastfeeding because "It makes you like a cow." She shoved a bottle in her own kids' mouths just as soon as they made a peep, and now all of her children are morbidly obese adults.

Frankly, I think many of the grandparents don't like breastfeeding because they can't snatch away those precious little grandbabies for overnight and extended visits when they are being nursed on demand. Just my 2 cents.

Posted at 2:21PM on May 27th 2008 by Karen

2. Karen, I think you are right about grandparents not liking breastfeeding because it limits them from taking the baby for overnights. Similarly, I think some grandparents don't like it because it "leaves them out" of the feeding - I've seen on message boards women whose inlaws have pressured them to pump so that they can feed the baby.

My parents and my husband's parents are fully supportive of my breastfeeding my daughter (the first grandchild on both sides). But both my mom and my MIL breastfed, so that's not really a surprise.

Posted at 2:54PM on May 27th 2008 by Marisa

3. My mom & dad (and also my own grandmother, and my sister's grandparents-in-law) don't make any comments about any decisions either my sister or I have made regarding our children. They will offer advice if we ask them, but simply accept what we choose to do as the best for our individual families & situations. We get lots of anecdotes about ourselves as children, and some really cool stories from the great-grands, but always just that -- stories and information, not opinions.

My husband's parents we have barely any interaction with, so I dunno what they think. And could really care less, since they are not part of our lives!

Posted at 2:36PM on May 27th 2008 by Jenn

4. Neither my mother nor my mother-in-law breastfed their children. When my daughter came along, I was determined to breastfeed but initially had difficulties. My mother tried to be very supportive and always proudly told people that I was breastfeeding. I think she also sort of wished she could go back in time and breastfeed me. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, continually pushed formula. After my daughter's one week dr's appointment when we called to tell her that our daugther had already regained her birthweight and was jokingly called "a little piggy" by our ped, her first reaction was "Are you sure the doctor doesn't think you should switch to formula?" She was never supportive. I can understand that when she had my husband, breastfeeding was not the norm, but to this day it still angers me at how unsupportive she was. And now that I'm expecting baby #2, I can look forward to her negativity all over again.

Posted at 4:01PM on May 27th 2008 by Maria

5. I think she just said it because she doesn't understand and if it was her own daughter she'd probably have tried to butt in and try to convince her to the formula isle. I say this because MY own mother has, since my daughter was two weeks old, made many "suggestions" on my breastfeeding, all of them pointing out to me that I should stop. Thank God for my husband, who has been my support and my rock through this. My aunts and cousins ALL bottle feed and don't understand either.

My MIL is supportive and even my grandmothers are supportive, but my own mother has told me many times to quit. When my daughter was colicky she suggested it was because of my milk, that she was allergic or it wasn't enough for her. When I was ill with a sinus infection I was afraid I couldn't nurse her due to whatever meds they gave me, I needed her support, instead she told me I might as well quit if i'm going to have to stop for these meds. I would have pumped and dumped but she made me angry and thankfully I never even had to stop bf during that time. At two weeks old, my daughter was having problems with my overactive letdown and she told me to quit, that I was hurting my daughter because she was crying. Thankfully my pediatrician was there to inform me that I was not hurting her and that she'd get used to the letdown and suggested different positions and things I could try to help it. When my daughter began getting teeth and I mentioned (not complained) that she had bitten me a few times my mom jumped at suggesting that I quit breastfeeding because it would just get worse as she got more teeth (not true).

The funny thing is that my mother breastfed me for three months (she says) and stopped because it hurt her too much, so sadly my brother and sister never got a chance to benefit from mothers milk. They are both smart and successful people, just like myself so i'm convinced that smartness comes from a parents love, education and dicipline but there are other benefits of breastfeeding. I try to tell her of them but she just doesn't care, it's really sad. I wish she would support me. I wish she would try to understand but she doesn't. Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful mom but when it comes to this issue she just doesn't care. My dad on the other hand does. He's seen how healthy, happy, alert and smart my daughter is. He's seen the bond between us. He's seen the healing effects of breastmilk for her eyes when they were clogged up. He's seen the effect of breastfeeding on my own body ( I lost all my pregnancy weight plus more in four months). He's also seen the lack of financial burden from tons of formula and seen how our money is spent instead on clothing for her, toys, educational tools and books. He's very supportive and he's told me so. I've never been told anything from my own mother except to quit. When my daughter has a baby someday I will be there to encourage and support whatever feeding decision she makes, it's VERY important for a daughter to have her mothers support in caring for a child and I just wish I had that. If it wasn't for my husband and dad then I probably would have taken her advice and quit, how stupid that would have been.

Posted at 4:33PM on May 27th 2008 by c_rousseau05

6. I think that the confusion/judgement of that generation comes from a number of places. I agree about the feeling that they can't get their hands on the baby for a long period of time. I think it might be uncomfortable to see someone (a baby) so totally dependent on a specific person to be present (the mother). I think that seeing how long it takes to nurse a baby is strange to someone who is/was never around it.

I felt similar things about breastfeeding before I actually did it too. My best friend breastfed her kids before I had any and I worried that it took up her whole life. After having my own, I realize that baby care DOES take up your whole life, nursing or not. The breastfeeding has little to do with the real issue of seeing someone's life change drastically.

Posted at 4:49PM on May 27th 2008 by Allison

7. I haven't had a problem with my mom or my MIL, but neither live nearby. My mom didn't breastfeed any of her five children but it was the age of formula and convincing moms that technology was better. We all turned out fine, though we all have issues related to food and weight.

My MIL did breastfeed her children but was told by her doctor that breastmilk was no good after 3 months so I had to explain why I was continuing for a full year (or more). Same era as my mom, but my mom was here in the US and my MIL was in England.

I did make a point of having a bottle (pumped milk) when they visited so they could participate in feeding my kids. I know my mom really liked that.

Posted at 4:56PM on May 27th 2008 by Kim

8. I did not breastfeed my kids (well, I tried with my daughter, but it did not happen), but I can relate to the pressure and advice from our parents' generation. My mother did breastfeed me, well, until I bit one of her nipples off (wicked scar), and she was quite insistant that I bf my kids. Seeing how nipple trauma runs in the family (mine are heavily scarred from a piercing mishap), I wasn't sure if I'd be able to. No matter how long I sat with my daughter, nothing came out. One breast was completely blocked off, the other would only drip milk if I completely squeezed that breast. Engourgement has a new meaning when there is no readily available outlet. Through all of this, even with my mother seeing this first-hand, she disparaged my efforts. To this day, most of my guilt comes from letting my mother down. She didn't say anything when the twins were born, but I never gave her the chance.
My MIL, on the other hand, didn't care how the babies got fed - just that she could show them off in church. Which was perfectly fine with me. Our philosophy (MIL & mine) - as long as the babies are being fed with love, whether it's breastmilk or formula, that's what really counts. : )

Posted at 6:32PM on May 27th 2008 by the goddess anna

9. My Mom & MIL both give stories and little pieces of advice, but have never pushed anything on us.

My Mom did not BF my 2 sisters or me. She has been great about it. She doesn't entirely understand or get it, but she knows that it is what I chose to do and totally supports it. She's more than happy to take the baby whenever she can and we have a supply of milk that she can use. She even does exactly what I tell her to with it.

My MIL breastfed all 3 of her sons. She is also extremely supportive.

My sister is pregnant at the moment and she is even planning on BFing her baby. I'm glad that my experiences with my 2 kids have been so positive that she feels comfortable with trying it herself.

Posted at 8:58PM on May 27th 2008 by andi

10. Sometimes I feel so lucky. My mom is always supportive of my decisions and my MIL keeps politely out of them. The only piece of childrearing advice she ever gave me was at the birth of #1, "Never disturb a happy child". It wasn't bad advice. For all the rest, I can call my mom.

Posted at 8:10AM on May 28th 2008 by Jill

11. My Grandmother (only one is still alive) never had much to say about my breastfeeding, other than to comment that she wished she had been able to nurse her 3 kids longer. She had issues, and without proper information and support, weaned her babies when they were a few weeks old. I could tell she was sad about it.

http://www.SexyNursingBra.com

Posted at 11:45AM on May 28th 2008 by Carrie

12. I may placing myself out of my element, but I am a 20 year old male who has been blessed with three beautiful nephews and a close relationship with his sisters. My two youngest nephews are are are 11 mos. and one year old (this week!), and they have been and are still being breast-fed. Perhaps it is not my place to voice my opinion, but I have become greatly confused over this "breast-feeding debate..." How can there be a debate at all? It was my understanding that, biologically speaking, humans were in the order Mammalia, and that we were classified so because we suckle our young with milk, a trait unique to mammals. How can It be argued that there is something better to provide for our infants than the amazing and beautiful design given us by mother nature? This same design even protects an infant with his all the immunities his (or her) mother gathered through years of life! Is it pure arrogance? Maybe my family slipped through the grasp of some social tension, but all my siblings were breast-fed, all my parents... In fact, my grandfather, as the story goes, nursed until he was three, and his mother resorted to putting coal on her breast and telling him that it had become rotten! But then, children stayed younger for much longer in those days. All I mean to say is that I would never dream of fathering children with a woman so ill-adjusted as to believe that she should not breast-feed because it somehow lowers her or makes her "a cow." In reality, this animal that we call lowly and beneath us is a shining example of that beauty of the purpose of motherhood. They provide perfectly for their young. My sisters and I often joke about the relationship with cows, and my sisters chuckle and still take great joy in breast-feeding, and we have three very robust, bright, and healthy new family members through its miracle. After all, What are breasts for? If we didn't need them to fed our children, we wouldn't have them. I know many members of my gender may treat them as mere playthings, and perhaps its that mass-media-enforced idea that leads some women to misjudge their role as a mother. I just wanted say my piece: that, as a young man, I am an advocate and supporter of breast-feeding, and I will never be disappointed to see a mother nursing her child, be it in a mall or restaurant or park or anything. That is why breasts are attached to our bodies, so that wherever we take our infants, they are available! It is a necessary and beautiful thing, no more inappropriate than adults eating, that should not be ignored or maligned by people who are too far out of touch with their bodies and family. Please feel free to reply.

Posted at 2:26PM on May 28th 2008 by Chris Walker

13. You made me smile. A very thoughtful, well-informed, positive post; and from a young man no less! You have clearly been raised in a very open, loving home and it really does my heart good to see someone your age appreciate breasts for their true purpose. It is wonderful that you took interest in the article and felt free to share your views. Thank you for sharing! :)

Posted at 11:09AM on May 29th 2008 by April

14. Check out my blog, omasally.blogspot.com for my take on grandmothers and breastfeeding. I'll include a section on grannies in the next edition of THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING. As a former nursing mom, the mother of nursing moms, and a grandmother, I empathize with all the generations!

Posted at 4:30PM on May 28th 2008 by Sally Olds

15. First to Chris Walker: Thank you for your perspective. It's refreshing to hear a man mention breasts for something other then pleasure!! My husband is just as supportive (though not so eloquent!)

My mom couldn't breastfeed (even though she wanted too) but my brother and I both turned out fine. She is exteremly supportive and a wonderful grandmother to my almost 1 year old.

My MIL is hard to explain. She was practically bragging in the hospital how she didn't BF because she wanted to go back to work. She has never said anything to my face, partially because I think she know's I won't stand for it. The only time she ever said anything was when my son was 4 months old she asked if he had started solids yet, and I replied not until 6 months. She turned to my son in his stroller and "Well you need to get the good stuff in you, don't you!" I flat out told her he was getting the good stuff but she ignored me. She is very cowardly like that, saying something nasty and then either chaging the subject or ignoring my retorts.

Thank God for a wonderful mother and husband!

Posted at 8:27AM on May 29th 2008 by Shannon

16. I breast fed all four of my children, and highly recommend it when it's possible. My daughter tried valiently with my grandson but it just wasn't working. I got support from my mother, who more than 50 years ago, when it was really frowned upon, breastfed 4 of us, but not the twins because they were extremely premature and the thinking back then was not to do it with preemies. It should definitely be a personal decision by the parents--and yes, I include the father because support from him helps. I also believe that bottles of pumped milk and/or supplemental formula can help with the bonding experience for the father and grandparents. However, I'm curious what "incessant" breastfeeding meant! I was always careful to do it discreetly in public, because I felt that it was not necessary to make thers uncomfortable. There are women who are so defiantly agressive about their right to breastfeed that they feel it is OK to flaunt it and not care about other people's right to not have it shoved in their face. I also feel that because the milk supply is always available, many moms do it totally on demand, sometimes just to quiet the babies, and at some point it becomes beneficial to the child to learn to space out the feedings. I've seen some mothers feed their children every hour, or even less, as a matter of pride or desperation, when it would really be more appropriate or healthy to learn to calm their children by other means. So breastfeeding, yes, it's wonderful healthy, and I recommend it, but use some common sense and discretion. And frankly, when a child is 3 and eating mac and cheese for lunch, and demanding "I want your milk now!" it's time to wean--you are raising a demanding self-centered child.

Posted at 9:01AM on May 29th 2008 by Judi

17. I have a different perspective. My mom breastfed me and my older sisters (born late 60's and early 70's), so she was a big BF advocate when I had my twins. I had every intention of breastfeeding them exclusively, but I had low supply and two premature infants with trouble latching. I was also very weak after being on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy and losing a lot of blood during delivery. I struggled and struggled and cried EVERY day for the first few weeks of my daughters' lives because I couldn't supply them with enough breastmilk to sustain them (we were supplementing with formula). Meanwhile, my mom kept telling me how great it was to breastfeed, and that was putting so much more pressure on me. I made the decision to stop when my twins were about three weeks old, after pumping, nipple shields, and help from several lactation consultants failed to improve my milk supply (which was starting to dry up) and the latching situation. I had to ask my husband to tell my mom to back off about breastfeeding, because her comments, which were intended to be helpful, were making me feel worse about my inability to breastfeed.

Posted at 10:41AM on May 29th 2008 by cindy

18. i remember my friends,family as well as my in-laws having allot of comments on why i should breast or shouldnt breastfeed as well as when i should stop breastfeeding...... (they had allot to say regarding circumcision as well)..i stuck to my own beliefs and what i learned doing research.. not just American research...between 6 monthes to a year old.. they would ask when i was going to quit, constantly..telling me it was time... by year two i never heard anything more.. i guess i wore them down.. i believed in self weining until kindergarten was 2 monthes away.. figured it must be time to give up on that thought and assist her in quitting.. i think there are benefits to both breast and bottle feeding.. we all have to learn as much as we can and make the best decisions for our family.. and not worry about what others think so much ...

Posted at 11:39AM on May 29th 2008 by lexi

19. well said

Posted at 12:26PM on May 29th 2008 by PIerrette

20. My mother or my MIL are not in my life. My stepmother was very supportive because she breastfed at least her youngest. My FIL seems to be supportive, he has never said anything about it that was negative at least not to my face. My husbands really large extended family is a mix of breastfeeders and bottle feeders. More breastfeeders though, so I haven't received any negative comments about my choice. I'm really lucky!

Oh and nursing on demand, which sometimes seems like every hour the first six months is not a bad thing. I discreetly nurse in public, but I don't nurse my son when he wants to be defient. That's absurd. He's 11 months old now and has naturally moved to nursing just about 4 times a day, with each meal and bedtime. Normal! I just don't see how keeping a baby happy by nursing them could be a bad thing?

Posted at 2:19AM on May 30th 2008 by Heather