If you thought fake babies were a weird substitute for having actual children, what do you think about monkeys? As in primates? As in monkids? Apparently, adopting capuchin monkeys and treating them just like a human member of the family is all the rage among some folks. Empty-nesters and those who can't or don't want to have actual children are shelling out big bucks for monkeys who will take their place in the family as babies who never grow up.

Lori Johnson adopted her capuchin, Jessy, because she was lonely after her children grew up and left home. Depressed, she decided that what would cheer her up would be to rip a baby monkey from its mother and dress it up in baby clothes and treat it like her own child. When Jessy became a little aggressive, Lori had the monkey's teeth removed. That solved the problem and now they are a happy little family, sharing the dinner table and even the bed. "I couldn't imagine not having her," Lori says. "We do something all the time with her."

Not all monkid stories have a happily-ever-after. Kari Bagnall, who runs a sanctuary for monkeys whose human parents could no longer care for them, sees first-hand the dark side of adopting wild animals as pets or surrogate children. "I have monkeys here that the people have had for 20 years. Never had a problem," Bagnall says. "Twenty years later, the monkey attacks. So it's just something, it's going to happen. It's not a matter of, you know, if they're going to attack. It's when."

I don't doubt that Lori Johnson, and the estimated 15,000 like her in the United States, truly love their little monkey children. And I can even see the appeal in adopting a creature that will forever remain infantile and cute. But I think it is the height of selfishness to take an intelligent creature away from its natural mother and habitat because it makes you happy.

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I've never been much of a fan of reality TV. Putting ordinary people (who are always prettier or meaner or whinier than anyone person I've ever met) in weird circumstances to show what happens just isn't entertaining to me. I've got kids, I deal with weird circumstances ALL DAY LONG!

Apparently, I'm not the only one who isn't crazy about at least one reality TV show. The Washington D.C. based nonprofit group Zero to Three is upset with the new NBC television series "Baby Borrowers". The group's spokesperson told Page Six, "We're concerned about the fact that these babies are being separated from their parents and placed with strangers. On the first episode, the babies were separated for about 12 hours and were clearly in distress. Typically they will cry and cling and search for their parents, which they were doing. They should be with someone they've had the opportunity to get to know."

I'm all for educating teens on child care getting rid of the notion that parenting is one big ball of baby powdery fun, but there ARE better ways than dumping a baby off with complete strangers for a television show. Working at a childcare center, volunteering at a church nursery or preschool, or even babysitting are all good ways to get a small idea of what life as a parent is like.

There is no way I'd ever, ever, ever have agreed to let my babies be on a television show like this, even with a nanny stationed nearby in case she's needed. What exactly is going on with our society that makes babies fair game for a reality series, anyway?

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When he was younger, my nephew managed to shove a pea so far up his nostril that he ended up spending several hours in the emergency room while the doctors and nurses tried to get it out. Eventually, they did. Not long after, however, he did it again. Luckily, this time, his mom was able to get it out and avoid another trip to the ER.

Apparently, my nephew isn't the only one to have tried this stunt. MomLogic has a list of the top ten things kids stick up their noses, along with the dangers and what to do about them. French fries are not one I would have expected to see on the list, but Crayons -- the same shape and size -- certainly are. Scarily, Kleenex is on the list, since young children may not quite get it that the tissue is supposed to stay on the outside.

Of course, the classic pea is there, along with its cousin the bean. Interestingly, jelly beans are not on the list -- I know my sister once came to the revelation that jelly beans would fit perfectly in her dog's nostrils; luckily she never actually tested her theory. The important thing here, I guess, is that you always have to keep a close eye on your kids -- and their noses.

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Diplomats in Geneva recently set new limits on the amount of certain kinds of bacteria allowable in baby formula as well as the level of natural toxins in some types of nuts. They also tackled the amount of gluten permissible in products labeled 'gluten-free.' The safety standards will apply to all internationally shipped foods.

The outcome of the standards is to hopefully affect hygiene practices and therefore reduce the amount of contamination of two kinds of bacteria in powdered formulas which have been known to cause illness and death in infants. Foods labeled gluten-free would not be able to contain more than 20 milligrams of gluten per kilogram, nor could they contain wheat, rye, barley or oats. Regulations were also set for the amounts of aflotoxins in almonds, hazelnuts and pistachios. Aflotoxins are known carcinogens in lab animals.

Over 170 countries claim membership to The Codex Alimentarius Commission responsible for making these decision, which also includes the European Union. Other topics for consideration are frozen foods, flavoring, tomatoes (no surprise there given the United States' recent issues with them) and mineral water.

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There's a lot to appreciate Maggie Gyllenhaal for--she's a great actor who tackles thoughtful roles. Perhaps the producers of her new movie appreciate her even more now that she's a mom. Gyllenhaal recently used her parenting skills on the set of the movie Farlanders to calm two of her co-stars.

Gyllenhaal is starring in the film, her first since becoming a parent in 2006, alongside eleven-month-old twins. At one point the babies were crying incessantly and unable to be stopped. Gyllenhaal slipped into mother mode and calmed them so filming could continue.

Maggie thanks her lucky stars she was a mother and had learned those skills. Says Gyllenhaal, "If I had not been a mom and known how to calm a baby, talk and hold the baby, the whole day would've been wasted." She also stated that she felt like a mom the whole day, not just at home but also on the set. Brings new meaning to the term 'working mother,' eh? good work, Maggie!

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Four months after giving birth to twins, Jennifer Lopez looks fabulous. We know she looks fabulous because she has been photographed plenty since the twins were born in February. She and hubby Marc have been spotted at movie premieres, art galleries, fashion shows and more. But wait. Where, exactly are those twin bundles of joy while mom and dad are out on the town? Lopez has insisted that she does not have a nanny, so just who is minding the children?

Former Hollywood nanny Suzanne Hansen says Lopez' nanny denial is all about semantics. She may not have an on-staff person who she refers to as 'nanny', but she sure as heck isn't hiring the teenager next door to watch little Max and Emme while she hits the town. More likely, she is making use of her other household staff to keep an eye on the tots while she and Marc socialize.

"She probably has other people-not called nannies-who are taking care of her children," Hansen says. "She has assistants, housekeepers-someone like that who probably also likes kids and who is likely keeping an eye on them."

Hansen goes on to say that by denying that she has a nanny, Lopez is insulting our intelligence. I don't know about you, but I do not feel insulted. What I feel is closer to, oh, I don't know - envy? Lopez can call it what she wants, but I know that if I had a gazillion dollars and a mansion, I would have some hired help, too.

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Hey, remember Molly Ringwald? Well, she's back, and in more ways than one. The former teen star, memorable for such culture- and era-designing movies such as Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club, is now starring in a television drama about teens. This time, however, the forty-year-old is playing mom to one of them.

And that teen happens to be pregnant. You may recall Molly is no stranger to the teen pregnancy plot. She played a pregnant teen in the movie For Keeps. Perhaps she'll be drawing from that experience for her latest project. Another project Molly has going for her is motherhood, so this role should be an easy one (as if being a mother, even playing one, was EVER easy!).

According to Molly, the key between moms and teen daughters is really communication. Her hope is to spread that message and curtail as many unplanned pregnancies as possible. The movie is titled The Secret Life of the American Teenager as is set to debut July 1st.

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Lesley Porcelli over at Gourmet isn't a mom yet, but she's well on her way and pondering what kind of eater her kid will be. Like a lot of non-parents, she readily admits that she has strong opinions about successful parenting, particularly when it comes to feeding the child. And when it comes to picky eaters, Porcelli is pretty sure that parents are to blame.

Her theory goes something like this: If the whole family sits down to eat together and nobody makes a big deal out of what is on the plate, the kid will happily chow down without complaint. If a parent assumes the kid wouldn't touch a lasagna with a ten foot pole and therefore doesn't bother to offer it, chances are good that the kid will subsist on nuggets and fries until maturity.

I think Porcelli has it only partly right. Kids aren't blank slates waiting to be molded into actual people. Even as they try their first bites of solid food, they are individuals with their own likes and dislikes. From her first bite of pureed chicken as a baby, my Ellie disliked meat. She gobbled up the fruits and veggies, but spat out anything that tasted of animal. I don't know if her aversion was about texture or taste, but to this day she would sooner eat a plate of green beans than a bite of chicken. For Ellie, it isn't about not wanting to try new foods (she loves crab cakes and calamari), she just doesn't like meat.

That said, I do think parents can - and should - influence what foods their child will consume. The old "just take one bite" routine works well for us and is the reason we can all enjoy a plate of calamari together. But in the end, I don't worry too much about my picky eater. After all, I lived off bologna and mustard sandwiches as a kid and I survived just fine.

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Breastfeeding ain't easy. While it's clearly the best choice, in general, for a baby's nutritional needs, it can be difficult. That's why it's so important for doctors and hospitals to encourage and support new mothers in breastfeeding and why access to an experienced lactation consultant is critical in those first hours and days after giving birth.

Unfortunately, a lot of women in Canada don't breastfeed their babies and now there will be two less lactation consultants for the women giving birth at Burnaby hospital outside Vancouver, British Columbia. Consultants Renee Hefti-Graham and Linda Good resigned after the Nestle Corporation organized a presentation -- featuring cocktails and dinner -- at the local Hilton hotel. The presentation was to be about baby nutrition and formula which violates the World Health Organization's 981 International Code of Marketing of Breast-milk Substitutes.

The two consultants quit after their manager said the guidelines from the WHO on the promotion of breastfeeding by hospitals were just "propaganda" and would not denounce the presentation. "We just didn't feel supported," said Hefti-Graham. All moms should be given as much support, training, and encouragement as they need to help them breastfeed if they can. That a hospital would participate in an event like the Nestle presentation that clearly violates the WHO marketing code is a very sad state of affairs. Hopefully, they can changes to be more in line with the WHO and the needs of the babies they deliver.

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In the last week or so, my almost-5-month-old has abandoned his admirable new habit of sleeping 6+ hours at a time in favor of waking up every three hours to demand yet another feeding. It's not horribly disruptive since he essentially wakes up, rings his version of the dinner bell, powers down a bottle and falls immediately back to sleep, but my body has been experiencing something like a cringing depression at having to get back into the routine of staggering out of bed at 1 AM, 4 AM, etc.

It doesn't help matters that my husband snores peacefully throughout each awakening, then innocently asks in the morning whether or not Dylan woke up in the night. (Jeez, at least pretend like it screwed up your sleep too, you know? Otherwise I might be forced to help you SHARE in this wee-hour inconvenience, by, say, dumping a glass of cold water into your open slumbering snout.)

My gut feeling is that the baby's going through a little growth spurt and that we don't have a bigger sleep issue going on, mostly because of how he's waking up: he's not frantic or wanting comfort, he just seems hungry. I can sympathize, really -- if being a small growing baby is anything like being pregnant, I don't know how he makes it through the night without getting up and eating yet another toasted, buttered, and salted Thomas' "Everything" bagel.

(What? You didn't pork out on salt-and-butter bagels at 3 AM during YOUR pregnancies and wake up with poppy seeds stuck in your teeth? Freak.)

I'm hoping we get back to a more reasonable sleep schedule soon, because even though I suppose it's not all that tragic to have to deal with a couple quick feedings with a mostly cheery baby in the middle of the night, I'd rather up my chances of making it all the way through that dream involving George Clooney and the bathtub scene in Out of Sight, you know? (ALL THE WAY TO THE HAPPY ENDING IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND I THINK YOU DO.)

I don't plan to try Dylan on solid food for a few more weeks still, and I know there is supposedly no correlation between solid food and sleeping through the night. However, I'm curious as to whether or not your experience matches what the experts say. Did your baby sleep better once he/she was eating solids?

I like Anthony Kiedis. I like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I don't think Anthony is close to honing his parenting skills. Recently Kiedis was spotted riding around in one of those electric gem cart type thingees with his son Everly, eight months old, strapped to him in a baby bjorn. So, in other words, the kid wasn't in a car seat.

According to TMZ, who has picture perfect proof of the whole incident, the RHCP lead singer clearly learned nothing from Britney Spears. Does he not realize that every single parenting move Brit has made since she was photographed allegedly fleeing the paparazzi with her toddler between her lap and the steering wheel has been called into question and grilled under scrutiny?

And, not that this is any excuse, but it's not like Anthony is a young dude with no clue. He's in his forties (and still looking mighty fine, although less so now that he's pulled this stupid move) and, I'm sorry, should just know better. He has no excuse for being this unbelievably careless and stupid. And no, Anthony, it didn't look cool. I don't care how many drugs you did back in the 80's, it's no excuse for endangering your child. What a _____________.

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The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has announced the recall of about 320,000 Jardine Cribs due to a strangulation hazard. The crib slats and spindles can break, creating a gap in which a baby's head could become entrapped. There have been 42 such incidents with four children suffering minor injuries.

The cribs were manufactured in China and Vietnam for Jardine Enterprises and sold at KidsWorld, Geoffrey Stores, Toys "R" Us, and Babies "R" Us stores nationwide, as well at babiesrus.com, from January 2002 through May 2008 for between $150 and $300. One model, the Mahogany Positano Lifetime Crib, sold for $450.

The recall involves 28 different model numbers in various styles and finishes. The entire list of recalled cribs and their model numbers can be found here. You can find the model number located on the inside bottom rail of the headboard or footboard of the crib.

If you have one of these cribs, you are advised to immediately stop using it and contact Jardine to receive a full credit toward the purchase of a new crib. For more information, you can reach Jardine by calling (800) 646-4106 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. ET Monday through Friday and between 9 a.m. and 1 p.m. ET Saturday. You can also visit their website.

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We've got a road trip planned for this weekend, a 7+ hour drive from Seattle to the southern Oregon coast to visit family. I've done this drive so many times I have the landmarks memorized: there's the right-wing billboard in rural Washington which typically marks the point when we've run through our repertoire of festive family sing-alongs, there's the rest stop where we had the World's Most Stressful Two-Kid Diaper Change, there's the quaint little coffee shop in the Willamette Valley where we can no longer stop and relax and have an adult conversation because we've got two children dear GOD TWO CHILDREN HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

My husband likes to act like he doesn't understand why I dread these drives so much, until I cheerily announce that this time, I'd like to spend the majority of the trip in the relative comfort of the driver's chair while he sits in the cramped backseat, wedged between bags of food and diapers and toys, entertaining the baby with dangly plastic things while pointing out cows to the toddler. For SEVEN HOURS.

It seems like traveling with the kids will get easier when they're a little older, but maybe not. I cringe to think back on all the road trips my mother took me on when I was a school-age kid, where we would drive across the entire country from our home in Virginia in order to visit all sorts of amazing, beautiful places -- and how I would whine and complain and repeatedly get carsick and generally was probably such a pain in her ass I have no idea how she managed not to resist leaving me on the side of a road somewhere.

For this trip, I plan to bring our usual accoutrements: snacks, bag of distracting new toys from the dollar store, DVD player, drawing pad. You know what I'd really like, though? If I'm being totally honest? A soundproof glass divider between the front and back seat, like you see in limousines. Wouldn't that be great? When the kids start whining, you just push a button and bzzzzzzzt -- blissful silence.

Alternately, I'd like the option of FedExing my children to our destination ahead of time, so my husband and I could spend the drive BSing and taking turns napping. Oh, don't look at me like that: I'd put holes in the shipping container, I'm not a monster.

What do you guys think, is it easier to travel with older kids -- or does it just get HARDER?

It's not unusual for expectant mothers to be given more than one baby shower in anticipation of a new arrival, which can quickly translate into more onesies or outfits than any one child could ever use.

One way to keep a clothing avalanche (and the resulting gift returns) to a minimum is to have a book shower instead. Rather than tradition baby items, attendees are asked to bring a children's book they enjoy to give the parents a head-start on building Baby's library. Not only are the expectant parents well-prepared for bedtime story requests and starting the lovely and educational habit of reading to their child, sharing a beloved book is much more personal and meaningful than ordering off a department story registry.

A nice touch to Baby Book Shower would be to include a bookplate with the invitation that guests could use to inscribe with a special message and affix to the inside cover of their gift.

Baby's extra friends or relatives might consider going in together to purchase a sturdy little bookshelf to neatly store all these literary treasures.

Leaving her own baby with her parents, thirty-year-old policewoman Jiang Xiaojuan went to work helping with the disaster relief after the big earthquake that struck China last month. She picked up the nickname "the police mum" after breastfeeding nine orphaned babies. That's not all she got for her efforts, though.

She was also given the titles "hero and model police officer" and "excellent member of the Communist Party", as well as becoming the vice commissar of the Communist Party of China Committee of the Jiangyou Public Security Bureau. Not everyone was cool with the accolades and promotion, however.

"Many people voiced objections when the Jiangyou government sought public opinion after making the promotion," the Xinhua news agency reported. "They said an official position should not be used to promote a moral model." I don't know about the moral issue, but it does seem to me that the point of any police department is "to serve and protect" -- and she certainly served. She also showed that she puts those she has sworn to protect first and is willing to do whatever she can to help them. I say, good job!

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