Do you read parenting books? For real, as in from cover to cover? Did you get anything at all out of the book? Was it overall a great buy with an excellent philosophy, or was there at least one nugget of sage advice that has helped you shape your parenting style? If the answer to that last question was yes, then perhaps parenting books are good for you. For others, not so much.

I remember when I first started writing for ParentDish--way back in the Blogging Baby days. I was pregnant and trying to figure out if I had what it took to be a parent. I bought oodles of parenting books and tried to plow through them as best as I could. I found lots of conflicting information, some of it outdated. I had lots of conversations with other parents and got more of the same. I even asked them what parenting books they recommended. Some loved certain books, some hated said books. One such book was "What to Expect when You're Expecting." I wrote a post about that and got innumerable comments of both praise and abhorring. So it is with any sort of parenting advice.

Once you become a parent, generally all the things you were so scared of dissipate. You become more confident in your decision making and parenting abilities. Most of the time, you actually become a better wife, daughter, friend, sister, etc. in the process. Did the parenting books help? Maybe, maybe not. Being a parent did. The things we all fear--that we'll be bad parents, that we'll hurt our children, that they'll be taken from us through our own negligence--seem to go away the more we actually practice parenting. And that means whatever parenting style comes most naturally to us or works out best for us. And it is different for every person. I don't think it really matters how much attention you paid to WTEWYE--you're probably doing OK in the mommy or daddy department. Parenting books, if you actually have time to read them (see: before children) might offer some insight, but only you will be able to determine the right approach to raising your kids.

Let this be a lesson to us all. If you're going to borrow library books from your local library, please be reminded that "borrow" is the operative word. You get a library card (generally for free) and thereby enter into an agreement wherein said library lends you books for a few weeks...and then you give them BACK. If you don't, you get hit with a meager fine. Last time I borrowed a book, the fine was about five cents a day. Seriously--it's been a LONG TIME since I've borrowed a book. In other words, there's really no incentive to not return the books that were lent to you for free by the very nice people who work at the library. Sometimes, however, when you take those things for granted, things get nasty.

Just ask Heidi Dalibor, who refused to return her copies of White Oleander and Angels and Demons. Nor did Ms. Dalibor remit the fines she owed to the library from which she borrowed the page-turners despite the notices she received in the mail. Furthermore,she declined to take note of the court citation issued to her when she didn't respond to the Grafton Library's calls and letters to her. The result? She was arrested. Cops showed up at her family's house, handcuffed her, and booked her for violating the "overdue library materials" ordinance! Seriously.

My words of advice? Return your library books, people. Or, at the very least, see what policies your town has regarding whether or not you return them.

Pic by jhoweaa.

So this is a weird one. When we travel we always bring along Parmalat for our toddler. It's much easier, obviously to transport and deal with on the road as it's vacuum-sealed and doesn't need to be refrigerated (until it's opened of course). Upon a recent trip to Central Park Zoo, a friend said someone had once told her that Parmalat isn't really milk.

The friend's acquaintance who made this claim was vegetarian (as is our family) and my friend was actually commenting on how people make such strange distinctions. The acquaintance refused to drink Parmalat because it wasn't "real milk." My understanding is that Parmalat is, indeed, real milk, it's just packaged differently, and perhaps treated a little differently to ensure it's safe to be packaged in a way that allows it to not need to be refrigerated (until opened).

So what is the deal? A recent trip to the Parmalat website upped my curiosity factor. They refer to the milk they distribute as "milk products." They also call it "ESL milk" which means Extended Shelf Life--not English as a Second Language. With regard to the whole vegetarian thing, while we don't necessarily eat meat, a good deal of us do drink milk--Parmalat included. Vegans don't do any animal products whatsoever, but quite a few vegetarians do.

So what's the deal? Is Parmalat really milk, or not? To me, if it looks like milk, smells like milk, and tastes like milk, and they call it milk, it's probably milk.

Pic by allanpatrick.

How do your kids get to school? How did you get to school when you were a kid? Taking the yellow school bus, walking or riding a bike may all seem like normal methods of getting to school. In the modern world, we drive and carpool as well. But what about in urban environments where a lot of parents don't drive or even own a car? They take the subway.

And they do it ALONE. That's right--I've seen it myself. Kids popping onto and off of the subway without a parent in sight. How do they manage it? And why, you might wonder, do their parents let them do it? Well, necessity is the mother of invention and a lot of other things, it turns out. Kids are going in one direction, their parents in another (to school versus work), and the main way to get around town in New York, for example, is underground.

Turns out, it's probably safer too. Driving in this city is a disaster on a good day. You're a LOT less likely to get into an accident on the subway than you are in your car. Plus, the kids tend to travel in packs on the subway. I never see a kid get onto an empty car at an odd (non-rush hour) time. They pick which car to meet up on and collect as the train makes its stops toward their final destination. I know because I can hear them screeching above my iPod.

Plus, and I know this goes against everything you've heard about New Yorkers, but the people on the subway look out for kids--even when they're not their own. If a kid gets onto a car by herself, I've noted people taking notice and making sure she gets a seat, etc. They care. And they're aware. Basically, it would seem that most of New York is actually watching out for your children.

This doesn't mean that just any kid at any age is ok to ride the subway. The kid has to be old enough to know to follow the rules. And, she needs to be trustworthy. Kids who tend to get into a lot of trouble don't seem to have the same amount of independence their counterparts who can keep it together are afforded. They leave the house at a certain time and are expected back at the house by a certain time in the afternoon, no bones about it. We also have cell phones and other technology to help us stay in touch with our kids more easily than ever. That makes it a lot easier to let a child take public transportation knowing they can--and hopefully do--check in with us.

I never see--ok, well, I rarely see--kids getting into fights or making trouble for other passengers when they're riding the subway to school. Mostly they talk (screech) amongst themselves, they read or they do their homework. The train is actually a MUCH more conducive place to get some work in for adults and children. There's none of that carsick business going on!

The other transportation option in the Big City is usually the bus. Buses are slow but they do the trick just as well. They cost the same amount as the subway but they are above ground and therefore more prone to being part of an accident. You do have to consider the carsickness issue on the bus but some parents really prefer to keep their kids above ground for whatever reason.

While I used to get nervous seeing kids alone on the subway, especially now that I am a parent, I can certainly see the advantages--it's less expensive and safer than driving, takes less time, is better for the environment, gives the kids a chance to hang out together and socialize in the morning and get their work completed, and gives them a sense of direction and independence they might not otherwise have access to. That all sounds great. We'll see how I react when my kid is old enough!

And just how old is that? I've seen kids between the ages of eight and ten, but mostly it's middle school children I see on the subway. What do you think--what age is best for kids to start taking urban transportation ALONE?

Being overweight is tough for a kid. There are many options toward weight loss, but some are more (or less) appealing than others. For many, over the years, the weight-loss camp has been a dream. But, while "fat camp" is almost as American as apple pie, it's now going the way of many other American dreams--it's too darned expensive to attend. Like any other camp, weight-loss camp costs money to run and maintain. With more than nine million children who are considered obese in this country, such camp can seem like a knight in shining armor for families struggling to get their kids' weight under control. The weight-loss camps, while they can be affective, are far from free. Few to none accept insurance.

The government generally offers no more assistance than insurance companies. Instead the children rely on their essay writing skills and other means to win scholarships to attend. Yes, even weight loss camp is something only possible for the rich. Corporate sponsorship is one way to help get kids who can't afford the often more than $1,000-a-week pricetag what they need. Advocacy groups are being formed, such as the Childhood Obesity Treatment in Action. Some tax deductions are coming into play, and some insurance is starting to cover a portion of the cost--mostly in the cognitive behavior area.

But is it enough? Rarely. And financial cost is to say nothing of the emotional cost to the children, who are often left with either feeling exploited by their situation--their essays and their experiences become the property of the camp, who share that information freely with the media in hopes of growing the industry--and/or have to deal with life after camp, which can be even harder than before they found their salvation. While most children lose some portion of their body weight at the camps, few manage to keep it off after returning to the real world.

Pic by skampy.

In a draft report recently issued, the Federal Drug Administration has concluded that Bisphenol A is safe --at least when used in food containers. Commonly known as BPA to consumers, the chemical can be found in all sorts of children's products as well as cars, plastic food containers and lining aluminum cans.

This most recent study was one of two funded by the industry itself. Gee, of course any study funded by the industry that stands to make money off it is going to come out with data supporting a chemical's safety. There rationale is that people are exposed to so little of it that it won't do them harm. In other studies BPA has been found in 93% of testees' urine and has been known to cause cancer and behavioral disorders in lab animals. The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) supports the findings as well.

Opponents of the decision say the study agencies don't have enough data to support their findings that BPA is safe. The country of Canada has banned the use of BPA and products containing the chemical, and national retail chain giants Wal-Mart and Toys R Us are set to remove all children's merchandise containing the chemical from their shelves as of January 2009.

Ever have one of those nights? You really need to get out of the house, perhaps spend some time with your spouse, significant other or just yourself, but you can't get a sitter. Or, maybe you had a sitter and he/she bailed on you at the last minute. What do you do?

Many parents these days enlist a whole cadre of people to take care of their children when they want to go out. Some use parents and in-laws to get out of the house. Others enlist friends and even colleagues. Still others have nannies or daycare providers who can work evenings to cover them. Some turn to services they source online or through the yellow pages.

And some parents take their kids with them. Depending on what it is you planned on doing, you might just be able to get away with taking your kids with you. Dinner may not be as romantic, but you can generally add a high chair to your two-top. Tickets to a concert or a Broadway show are another thing all together. You certainly cannot take your child to those kinds of events, and the tickets for those kinds of things are too expensive to give up. Werll, actually, you can give those things up. Chances are you've done it, or will--and just stayed home.

What do you do when you can't find a sitter? Have you tried any of the services? If so, were they any good, and would you recommend? Or do you count on your mom and dad to cover?

It can be tough to travel when you have a family. Being away from your little ones can be as tough as the grueling red eyes, hard hotel beds and crazy meeting schedules that await you. For parents of children with special needs who find themselves business travellers as well, another layer of challenges present themselves.

In response, the parents have become quite creative in handling a hectic work schedule and managing the care of their special needs children. In a recent New York Times article, parents of special needs children discuss how they manage family and career. One child, with Prader Willi syndrome, took a trip with his travelling parent. His meals were portion-controlled and given to him every three hours. The meals were pre-made and frozen in a giant grid.

Other children require shots given with a specific technique or visits to specialists. Some parents, rather than try to cobble their family's schedule around their job, do it the other way around. Or, one parent will take on the schedule so the other parent can avoid all the appointments and have a less hectic day. Still other parents enlist the help of parents, friends and nannies. Some have even gone so far as to get help outside their regular circle by using services like sittercity.com, which helps match children with special needs with the appropriate caregiver.

The article offers some good resources for parents. Any additional thoughts or suggestions not covered by the article?

Possibly just in time for back to school, last week Republicans introduced a bill to the Senate the stop bullying in schools. The bill includes language to cover harassment of students based on sexual orientation as well as transgender students in public schools. As one gay-rghts activist noted, youth are becoing increasingly comfortable with coming out of the closet at an early age. As a result, they can suffer harassment--and worse--and need protection.

According to a representative of Senate majority leader Dean G. Skelos, the bill was in direct competition with tax relief and was not to be discussed at last Friday's special session. The bill could be given the opportunity to be introduced at another session later in the month, and most likely will as it would be unusual for a bill to be entered this time of year without the intention of getting it passed.

If it goes through, New York will be the eleventh state to introduce and adopt a bullying bill. Legislation was originally introduced in 1999 but didn't make it far as critics were uncomfortable using language regarding transgendered students, who would be protected under the current bill. The gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities have long been calling for such legislation.

Is hiding vegetables in your kids' food wrong? What if that's the only way to get your child to eat something green (that isn't a booger)? One cookbook author strongly disagrees with the notion that it's ok to sneak healthy foods into unhealthy ones, and she's aiming to do something about it. On her blog and in her new cookbook, anyway. Tanya Steel is the author of the newly published "real food for healthy kids." She's also a "food professional." She and co-author Tracey Seaman instead focus on glorifying vegetables and trying to make them more appealing rather than sticking them in a brownie. According to Steel, who has a good point, why would we want to send the message to our children that brownies are GOOD for you, when in fact we have an obesity crisis on our hands in the United States?

Steel acknowledges that not all children are that easy to coax into eating anything green. She also demures that it can be difficult to work your way back up the beaten path of feeding your kids things that aren't as healthy because you've run out of options of what they'll actually eat. I can empathize with this problem. We recently ended a bout of our son refusing to eat ANYTHING other than Cheerios. Sure, they're healthier than pork rinds, but I didn't spend my entire pregnancy eating broccoli only to have my kid refuse to even look at a vegetable.

Steel offers suggestions to help steer kids in the right direction. She suggests offering kids "no thank you bites" to get them used to a new food and making sure to set a good example by eating healthy foods yourself. She also, of course, promotes her healthy eating cookbook. "real food for healthy kids" may not be The Joy of Cooking that Steel claims (whimsically) it is, but I'm sure there's something in that cookbook, as with any book designed with kids in mind, to offer nutritious alternatives for our children.

What do you think? Is deception the only way to get a vegetable-refuser to consume some legumes? Or is it best to just keep trying to offer different kinds of vegetables in the hopes that eventually you'll see change?

Pic by Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com.

In the United States, we've tried to ban the word "fat" and have replaced it with the word "obese." This may or may not be having much of an impact on our nation or our youth as our waistlines continue to get bigger (while our wallets become smaller!). One person I know quite well, however, was in denial about his weight as a teenager until he saw a doctor write the word "obese" on his report during the physical he was required to get before he left for college. That person, at that exact point, took charge of his weight and his life.

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As for the UK, Primary Care Trusts, or PCTs, are being guided to measure children's height and weight at ages five and eleven. Parents can choose not to participate, and so can their children. In the event that both do choose to participate, the measurements will be sent by letter to the parents and not the children. Naturally, a good portion of the obese children are not participating in the measurements, thereby negating the attempt to correct the situation. Children as little as seven years of age are being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, which was unheard of in the UK a decade ago.

What do you think? Should we go back to calling people fat? Should we call them obese? Should we only be telling their parents? Is there a good approach to any of this? I'd have to go with a quote from Aaron Neville on this one: Tell it like it is.

Pic by bethography - melting mama.

Is it ok to set potty training deadlines? I mean for ourselves as well as our kids. Way back when it seems children were potty trained pretty quickly. Now, common wisdom holds you wait until the kid is at least three or that each child takes as long as necessary for that child to, er, get on the pot, so to speak. On the other side of the coin, though, many children must be potty trained in order to attend preschool or daycare.

But when is the right time? How do you tell when the right time is for your child? Also, with that in mind, is it ok to set goals, of any sort, for your child? I have a friend who decided she was spacing her children apart enough so that she would never have two babies in diapers at the same time. This would mean the first one would have to be toilet trained by the time the second one came along. No way of knowing whether or not that would be possible, of course, as every child is different, but it's a noble effort.

I would love it if my sixteen-month-old son were potty trained by the time he hit two years old. I don't know if this is realistic or laughable. I don't even know when a good time to get started on the training is. A colleague of mine, who is from another country, said that in her homeland the children started toilet training as soon as they were able to sit up on their own! She said she knew of kids as young as six months being potty trained! And why two years old for me as a deadline? I don't mind changing two sets of diapers, but I do mind the cost (if I go with disposables). Also, the thought of only one child in diapers at a time has its appeal. Finally, maybe what it all comes down to is that it just seems like the "right" time.

What about you? Did you set deadlines for potty training?

Having successfully survived the trials and tribulations of toilet training four boys automatically earns me the title of "Male Potty Training Expert" among new parents. However, when anyone asks how I transitioned them from raunchy diaper-fillers to super dooper potty poopers, I truthfully say I still have NO IDEA.

The terrifying thing I learned early on about potty training is that you cannot force a kid to do it, it has to be their own decision. (If a kid figures this out too early in the game, you are SCREWED, by the way.)

Here are a few potty training tips that seemed to work in our household:

• Don't waste money on a potty chair. Instead, get a little step stool and show your little guy how to climb up on seat of the regular toilet, facing the tank to get the job done. It's much harder for little bums to accidentally fall in when positioned this way AND allows the child a better view of the jet-stream action.
• Never underestimate the excitement of being allowed to pee on a target! Throw in a few Cheerios to encourage a reluctant wee-er. (A word of caution: If you're not vigilant or clear on the rules of engagement, you might find other, less flush-able objects tossed in the commode. ASK ME HOW I KNOW!)
• There are books and DVDS about potty training that are helpful in getting the idea of toilet training across. "Everyone Poops" and "Once Upon a Potty" were well-read favorites among my boys and "It's Potty Time" video is annoying as all get out, but does have some of the best potty training lyrics EVER.
  For example:
  "He is a super dooper pooper, he can potty with the best! No more diapers to get in his way, we are really impressed!"
  "Wipe, wipe, wipe yourself always front to back! Carefully, carefully, now you have the knack!"
  "On top of your potty, you're sitting to poop. Life is so much sweeter,
  when your diapers don't droop."
  (Caution, I haven't seen this video for nearly 4 years, YET I STILL KNOW THE WORDS TO EVERY SONG.) ((Also, it contains a freaky clown and everything involving freaky clowns should come with a warning label, yet doesn't for some reason.))
• This is one of the few areas of parenthood where I found bribery to be acceptable. Actually, it's less "bribery" and "payment for poops rendered." If I'm asking the child to leave whatever they were doing to sit on the toilet rather than just going in a diaper uninterrupted, I think that's worthy of a treat. It might just be ONE M&M or mini marshmallow from in the sacred "Potty Treats" jar, but that was enough of an incentive to get them out of diapers entirely, eventually.

Do you have boy toilet training tips or tales to share?

When you're pregnant, chances are we do everything in your power to take the best care of your unborn little one as possibly. Many of us (try to) give up our bad habits and assume good ones, avoiding things and being cautious just in case. Things that seemed easy before we were pregnant get harder, and require us to pay more attention, which we generally give. And, I guess, some things we just take for granted. Like WALKING.

Yesterday I fell. Big time. I was looking in front of me rather than at the ground below and I was on my knees before I even knew I was falling. It hurt, a lot, and still does. My knees are bruised and I am pretty sure I sprained my wrist, but thankfully the rest of me is ok. Question is, how do I really know? Pregnant women, are prone to falls. Pregnant women tend to have less balance (after the fourth month) so we are cautioned to take things slower. We're also cautioned to wear flat shoes--not only because they're more comfortable than heels, but because it's easier to maintain what sense of balance we have without leverage.

That's all great advice, but what to do when you've already fallen? Well, if you have any control over the fall, make sure you avoid your belly. Also, take comfort in knowing that your womb is designed to keep your baby as safe as possible, so more likely that not, if you fall you won't have harmed your little one. Make sure everything feels "normal"--whatever that is to you--in terms of how you feel and what is going on inside there with your baby. Fetal kicks should be the same, etc. Of course check for bleeding. And, honestly, if you are even the least bit freaked out, just call the OB or go in for an appointment. Research on the web turns up little other advice other than to contact your doctor if you feel even the least bit out of sorts or in pain. Honestly, an extra trip to the doctor is well worth it, even if just for piece of mind.

Pregnancy silhouette by mahalie.

Matt Damon is the next celebrity to invest in some good old fashioned charity work, this time by working on his children's charity. The Departed star, who recently piled on 30 pounds for The Informant, is taking the summer off to lose the weight and get the charity rolling.

The charity is to be called the One X One Foundation. Its mission is to support, improve and preserve the lives of children in Canada and around the world. According to Damon, singer Sheryl Crow is set to play at one of the Foundation's events. Earlier this year pal Ben Affleck (and daddy) recently hosted an inaugural event.

Says Damon, who is a daddy himself, making calls for the Foundation are "...easy."

Getting into college is tough. There are so many choices, so much paperwork to fill out. Then there's the very likely chance that you (or your child) won't get into the college of choice. Sometimes there is a legacy to follow--mother went to a certain school, and older sibling went to a certain school. But what if the competition is your twin? She'll be competing for the same spot you might occupy at the same school. And, it's quite possible only one of you will get in. The competition gets even more fierce when you're a triplet. With more women having children later in life, which has lead to more cases of multiples being born (through IVF as well as the old-fashioned method), it's a situation on the rise.

It has long been believed that many top schools such as Harvard will only accept a few students from each school or geographic area. If two students from the same school apply then the competition between them gets pretty tough. If that logic is true, then it's even worse within the same household. Harvard maintains that it does not follow this practice. Other ivy league schools such as Duke take being a multiple into careful consideration--for one, it's important to keep the identities of the children separate, as an easy clerical error can confuse the two (or three) siblings into one); additionally, by considering the multiples as individuals and together the school can examine the seemingly minute differences that may or may not set them apart from each other academically. More often than not, multiples share the same interests and have similar aptitudes.

Many multiples are choosing to follow separate paths in order to remain loyal to each other yet be successful and get into the school of choice without dampening opportunities for their siblings. Whether or not it's best to separate multiples in school is a good idea remains to be seen. Studies in Finland indicate it has little impact. Mostly the decision works best when left to the siblings, who may or may not prefer to lead separate lives.

Parents worry about their children. New parents, especially, often wonder and wish for a set of rules to follow or a guide to carry them through the exciting and sometimes terrifying adventure that is child-rearing. Hence, the birth of the milestone. At a certain age your child should be able to smile, sit up, crawl, walk, talk, and eventually talk back to you.

Many of us breathe a sigh of relief to have these guideposts to help us. We delight in being able to check items off the list--yes, little Bobby smiled at the "right" time; whew--Sally walked by her first birthday. Mainly, though, it's the stuff before the "whew" that gets us. Many of us spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not our children will meet those milestones; some of us worry more when our kids don't hit the mark. Milestones are also used as a way of detecting developmental disorders, especially when a child goes far beyond missing a mark.

And who sets that mark? Well, milestones are really just a set of commonly held notions. Thousands and thousands of children are surveyed and studied and the average age of what they do when becomes the milestone. Hence, it is possible for a milestone to change based on new data. New data takes a long time to produce and cement, of course--markers don't change based on the experience of one or ten or even hundreds of children. Rather, the ranges of times associated with the milestones increase or decrease over time.

To many of us, having a range is further reassurance that we should let our kids take their time, that eventually, at their own pace, our children will reach those milestones. But, come on, admit it--you still worry, right? Or do you? Some parents I suppose are born with the ability to just relax and let things come. Others of us? Well, we still worry. What about you--do you follow the milestone markers to the "T" or do you just not worry about it?